


All Seeing, All Knowing

by 1863



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Extra Treat, Gen, Humor, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Revengers, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-27 10:19:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17764937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1863/pseuds/1863
Summary: “Heimdall,” Loki grits out, “has anyone ever told you that you aresupremelyannoying?”





	All Seeing, All Knowing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scioscribe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scioscribe/gifts).



“I vote we never do that again.” 

Valkyrie scoops a handful of... something, off her uniform, and flings it to the floor of the cargo bay. It lands with a wet _plop_ that makes her nose wrinkle in distaste.

“I second the motion,” Loki agrees, and it says something about how often they’ve ended up covered in who-knows-what that Valkyrie doesn’t even bother glaring at him for speaking anymore. The others have started trying to clean off their own uniforms and Loki eyes the growing puddle of goo with disgust. “This is insufferable.” 

“Oh, cheer up, brother. It’s not that bad.” Thor flings a blob of goop right at him, which Loki just barely manages to dodge. “We’ve been in worse situations than this.”

Everyone stops to stare at him. Even Heimdall.

“Well, okay,” Thor amends. “Maybe not worse. But—” he looks around, hoping someone might offer their support, but he finds no help there at all. “But at least we’re all in it together.” He grimaces a little, knowing it was a weak finish, but he can't back down now. 

There’s a brief moment of embarrassed silence. 

“And we’re still alive,” Bruce adds, taking pity on him. Thor beams at him. 

“Yes!” he exclaims. “Exactly. We’re all alive, here, together. That’s great.”

“For now,” Loki says, lifting his cape out of the way of the spreading ooze. “How many more times can we defeat some pedestrian villainy on an equally pedestrian planet, in the hopes that we’ll be given adequate compensation?”

“As many times as it takes,” Thor says, at the exact same time that Bruce says it too. Valkyrie says it as well, but half a second too late.

A beat of silence, and then Bruce punches the air, triumphant.

“I get the last not-donut-thing!” he crows. Valkyrie scowls. “I said it first—you heard that, right, Heimdall?”

“You said it first,” Heimdall confirms. “Bruce gets the last not-donut-thing.” Then his eyes flash gold and immediately, Loki starts moving closer to the exit. “Wait.”

“Wait? What wait?” Bruce looks outraged. “I totally said it first!”

“You placed a wager for the last not-donut-thing?” Thor interrupts. “Based on what? How I’d respond to Loki’s eternal pessimism?”

“Hey,” Loki protests. “Are you calling me predictable?”

“I believe I already have,” Thor replies. “Many times, in fact.”

“That’s not very kingly of you,” Loki says. “And no, Valkyrie,” he adds, cutting her off, “I am not sulking.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” she replies. Loki scowls but his lack of a comeback doesn’t go unnoticed. Valkyrie grins.

“What did you wager on?” Thor demands. “And why wasn’t I invited to join in? I love those not-donut-things!” 

“No, do you?” Valkyrie presses a hand to her mouth in mock surprise. “We had no idea, what with you eating a dozen of them in one sitting and not even offering any of us so much as a bite.” 

Thor clears his throat. 

“I have a very fast metabolism,” he says. The others look unimpressed. “Also I’m the king and I can do whatever I want. Besides,” he adds quickly, raising his voice, “you never answered my question. What were you betting on?”

“Your next superheroic line, your majesty,” Valkyrie says with a small, sardonic bow. “You’re always so—” She gestures in Thor’s general direction. 

“Heroic?” Thor suggests hopefully. “Majestic? Kingly?”

“Predictable,” Loki supplies. He smiles, deeply satisfied, and the smile turns into a grin when the others make vague noises of agreement. “You never miss an opportunity to spout some nonsense about heroes or loyalty or bravery when one presents itself.” Loki rolls his eyes. “You’re almost as bad as that soldier friend of yours. Captain What's-his-name.”

“Captain America,” Bruce says.

“Whatever.” Loki shrugs. “It was the easiest thing to bet on.”

“About that,” Heimdall says. Loki starts edging closer to the door again. “There’s a small problem.”

“Oh, what now,” Bruce wails. “We’ve been doing this heroes-for-hire thing for god knows how long and don’t get me wrong, I know it’s important, I know there’s no other way to keep the ship going and keep supplies for everyone coming in, but I’m _tired_ , man.” He slumps into a chair and looks so sad it’s almost comical. “That not-donut-thing was the only thing I’ve been looking forward to for _weeks_.”

“Alas,” Heimdall says. “It’s already gone.”

Everyone gasps, including Thor.

“Who?” he demands.

Heimdall turns towards the door. Everyone else follows suit, and Loki freezes with his hand halfway to the control panel. 

“He ate it this morning,” Heimdall says. 

“ _Before_ the mission?” Valkyrie narrows her eyes. “That’s against the rules!”

“A rule Loki insisted on,” Heimdall observes. 

“Heimdall,” Loki grits out, “has anyone ever told you that you are _supremely_ annoying?” 

Heimdall shrugs, the tiniest of smiles curling his lips. 

“I see all.” 

“Yes, well,” Loki mutters. “No one likes a know-it-all.” 

“Can we get back to the fact that Loki ate my not-donut-thing?” There’s a note in Bruce’s voice that makes everyone a little nervous. “That he probably planned to screw me over from the very start?”

“How was I to know you’d win the wager,” Loki points out, casually stepping aside so that Thor was between him and Bruce. “I may be a trickster, but I’m an equal opportunity one.”

“He’s right,” Valkyrie says, eyeing the decidedly greenish tinge on Bruce’s skin. “As much as I hate to admit it, he wasn’t screwing you over in particular, Bruce.” She shifts her gaze to Loki, mouth flattening into a thin, cold line. “He was screwing as _all_ over.”

There’s a tense moment where everyone waits to see if the Hulk will emerge. Heimdall heads for the storage containers to start sorting through what the planet gave them as payment, Valkyrie sharpens Dragonfang a little too casually, and Loki maintains his strategic position of not-hiding behind Thor. But eventually, Bruce just lets out a frustrated yell and lowers his head, letting his forehead hit the table with a dull thud. 

“Someone at least tell me the mission was worth it,” he mumbles.

“It was,” Thor says quickly, relieved to steer the conversation into safer waters. “For vanquishing the—uh, goo demon, we received…” Thor consults the manifest he was given just before they left the planet’s space dock. “Twenty crates of local fruits and vegetables, three hundred litres of engine plasma, assorted bits and bobs that ought to be useful for trading purposes...” He scans the rest of the list, looking for anything worth mentioning in particular. “And… a-ha!”

Thor lifts the manifest above his head like a trophy.

“One package of not-donut-things!” 

Bruce snaps his head up.

“What?”

“Not-donut-things!” Thor slams his fist on the table. “What did I tell you all, eh? Everything—”

“Always works out in the end,” they all say in unison. 

There’s a brief pause.

“I said it first!” Valkyrie yells, at the same time as Bruce demands that he should get a 3-second handicap for being cheated out of his previous winnings. Thor tries to keep the peace, pointing out, not unreasonably, that there were plenty of not-donut-things to go around. But Loki just rolls his eyes and decides to cut out the middleman altogether.

He directs his focus inward and silently starts to weave a transportation spell. It should only take a minute or two to move the package directly to his own quarters. But... Loki frowns. Wait, he thinks. What—

“Heimdall,” he breathes. “You sneaky little bastard.” 

The others fall silent.

From his position next to the storage containers, Heimdall smiles. He pops the last not-donut-thing into his mouth, idly brushing crumbs off his uniform as he swallows it down.

“I see all,” he says simply, and shrugs. 


End file.
